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Imagine going back to a typical day in your youth armed with your present philosophical knowledge. You would be able to ask yourself questions about your parents, such as: Did they help you grasp that the world is not crazy, but causal? Did they enable you to discover the joy of questioning and thinking? Did they show you how to deal effectively with "failure"—or to become value-oriented—or to protect yourself against altruism?
   Dr. Kenner presents the principles and skills that make parenting and childhood a pleasurable experience. Whether you want to raise children more effectively or want a better understanding of your own youth, this course offers you valuable insights.
(Audio; 5-tape set; 6 hrs.)

It's not often that I read a book cover to cover and come away saying  that I can recommend this without commenting that  there are some parts I don't agree with. I really loved this book. She keeps the focus on your long range happiness.
"I hate life sometimes. I should have been able to see my sisters. I get real angry at my mom and dad. Sometimes I'm mad at the whole world." Divorce often leaves children in a path of devastation. Some children feel the chronic need, well into their adult lives, to try to please both parents, or to show pressured allegiance to one parent and shun the other. Some children have indelible memories of horrific fights and arguments prior to and after their parents divorce. Such children may promise themselves that they will never get married - it involves too much suffering. Some children are convinced that they are the hidden cause of their parent's divorce. Feelings of abandonment, fear, hurt and guilt become the norm. It's common for children to repeat the traumas of their childhood or to withdraw into a repressed silence, cutting themselves off from the pleasures of life. But much of this pain can be avoided, and everyone benefits. How? Dr. Bienenfeld lets you first hear from the children themselves. She then outlines a step-by-step method to help parents grasp the pain that their children are in and to help parents separate their own hostilities and financial battles from parenting issues. Although the parents are no longer marital partners, they will remain parent-partners for life. Given this, she outlines a method for helping them communicate clearly and fairly on all issues involving the children.

Divorce is messy enough. But there are things that make it mentally agonizing for children. One of them is guilt--more specifically unearned guilt. Kids are at risk of thinking that it’s their fault when their parents divorce: I didn’t clean my room and dad and mom would fight over that.” The first frame of this cartoon-like illustrated book has mom and dad sitting in overstuffed chairs, each with stern, furrowed brows and not engaged with each other. The little dinosaur girl, with wide eyes, has her hands up in the air in total confusion. The caption reads: “Divorce takes place between mothers and fathers. You are not to blame if your parents get divorced.” Many a child and I have sat in therapy talking just about this one frame-- and it has helped relieve them of some heavy unearned guilt. That’s damage control. This short illustrated book covers so much:
How parents fight differently: noisy battles, the silent treatment.
Natural feelings to have when your parents divorce: confusion, sadness, anger, fear, guilt, relief and worries about your future.
Unfulfilled longings that your parents will reconnect.
Telling friends that your parents are divorcing.
Ways to make living with one parent go smoother.
Living in two homes: Focusing on the positive and recognizing that mom and dad may have different rules.
Celebrating holidays and special occasions.
Eventually meeting your parents new “friends.”
Living with stepparents and possibly step-siblings.
The authors treat children with great empathy, as individuals capable of being responsible and making the major changes in their lives easier for themselves (and for their parents). They treat kids with respect. I highly recommend Dinosaurs Divorce for you and your children if you’re going through a divorce.

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Not merely a parenting book, this is a delightful treasure chest of tips of how to communicate with anyone.

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Do you remember how supportive and understanding your parents were during your teenage years? Do you recall how you could confide in them, how they trusted your judgment and how appreciative they were of your help?
     For most, the answer is simple—“no!”
     Flash forward: Would your own teenagers consider you loving and understanding? Do they confide in you? Do they feel trusted and appreciated by you? And…do you feel loved, understood, trusted and appreciated by your teens?
     What gets in the way in the way of “yes” answers to these questions? In this book Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish explore the teenage years and help parents and teens get closer to “yes” answers. They show what goes wrong (e.g., blaming, name-calling, lecturing, playing martyr) and help both parents and teens develop an attitude of earned respect and appreciation for one another.  Impossible? Think again—open the pages and hear the stories of parents who have just about given up on their teens—whether it’s dealing with sassing, homework, chores, hanging with the “wrong crowd” …sexual promiscuity, binge drinking, “experimenting with pot” or discovering that your daughter has plans to meet a strange man she’s been hooking up with on the internet— watch how the right attitude and skills dramatically improve life at home.
Enjoy this quick read that so effectively helps you achieve what you might have written off as impossible—a loving relationship with your teens.

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"Many teenagers have an inner radar that detects what irritates their parents. If we value neatness our teenager will be sloppy, his room messy, his clothes repulsive, and his hair unkempt and long..." How do you make your years with your teenager not just tolerable, but enjoyable? What typical mistakes do parents make and what are  the alternative civilized ways to raise your teenagers? Although dated, I owe much of my joyful years with my teenagers to Dr. Ginott's timeless advice.

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Why some kids get into trouble - and what parents can do about it.

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Whether dealing with a deviously critical mother, a deliberately incomprehensible professor or an envious co-worker, how do you resist the tendency to "keep the peace," to forgive and make excuses for them—to apologize for the good within you? How do you remain morally true to yourself? How do you avoid granting them the "sanction of the victim"? In this course Dr. Kenner provides how-to advice on detecting and counteracting intentionally manipulative people.
   With an abundance of examples—drawn from both real life and fiction—she explains the subtle methods by which manipulative people gain psychological footholds. Rather than being formal lectures, these six sessions include frequent questions from the students as well as staged confrontations in which Dr. Kenner plays the role of a manipulator. Though she sketches out some of the psychological principles involved, her central purpose is to teach practical skills that can help you maintain your integrity, pursue your happiness and navigate safely through the traps of would-be manipulators.
[Audio; 5-tape set, 6 hrs.]

We've all faced that split second when we must decide whether to speak up and defend our values... or let the moment pass. On a wider scope, there is also our long-range desire to fight for a healthier, more rational world. But if we let such moments or opportunities slip by, it takes a psychological toll on us. This course will cover common psychological barriers to action, offer motivational tips on picking your personal "battles" and avoiding errors, and suggest ways of practicing these new skills.
   Ayn Rand said that "anyone who fights for the future, lives in it today." This course will help you to assertively and effectively defend your values with family members, classmates, coworkers, friends or in some public forum. We will also explore the personal benefits to you, for example, increased confidence, enhanced benevolent universe premises and a wider integration of your knowledge—both in content and method. Finally, this course will help you increase your self-respect and solidify a sense of earned pride.
[Audio; 3-tape or 6-CD set; 4 hrs., 18 min., with Q & A]

This is a good introduction to cognitive therapy. Dr. Burns offers many practical techniques to help you lift yourself out of a depression, to reduce your anxiety and to strengthen your communication skills. Overall an excellent book for learning clear thinking methods. However, I disagree with the author on some of his underlying premises and I don't recommend his book Ten Days To Self Esteem.

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Aside from the philosophical junkyard of chapters 1-3, this book is chock full of simple good tips – e.g., good study skills, identifying and pursuing healthy goals to bring you pleasure, keeping friendships fair – with a lovely undercurrent of egoism despite occasional nosedives. The mix of good and bad ideas makes  me wonder if one author was philosophically healthier than the other. This book offers valuable thinking skills and is a good one to keep in your reference library.

A timeless gem that is well worth reading. He has an extrodinary understanding of how to communicate to get ideas across, how to listen with the purpose of understanding another person, how to deal with heated emotions in conversations, how to detect and deal with another person's irrationality, how to hear mixed contexts in conversation and much more.

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If you've had the nightmarish experience of having been sexually abused and you don't know how to deal with the multiple levels of disturbed feelings you have, this book offers many excellent suggestions. These include recognizing that you can heal, that you don't need to remain a victim for life, recognizing the damage that the abuse has caused in your life, understanding what you did to cope with the abuse, learning how to break the silence, attributing blame accurately, dealing with your feelings of anger, appropriately rebuilding trust (in yourself and with others), and gaining closure and moving on. Although there are sections with which I strongly disagree (e.g., on having  a sense of  power greater than yourself), this book offers excellent suggestions,  examples and exercises. It helps you learn to change "internalized messages" such as "I hate myself" and "What I want doesn't count." The authors encourage learning to live for yourself: "If you are still trying to please others, if you are still hoping for someone else's approval, then you will never be smart enough, thin  enough, successful enough…Try putting aside your father's expectations. Stop comparing yourself to your friend. Think about what you like to do, whom you  like to spend time with, what you find worthwhile." If you've been seriously traumatized, I recommend using this book in conjunction with a counselor.

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Ben is 71 years old; he aches all over. His golfing buddy just died and his wife is recovering from breast cancer. His children and grandchildren don't seem to need him anymore. Ben has given up, "I feel half dead already."
Marissa, age 36, has gone through her second divorce. Both of her hus-bands were abusive alcoholics. Her father, starting at age 6, had sexually molested her. She feels worthless. "I'm no good," "I'm a failure," I'm never going to get better," "My life is hopeless," "I may as well  kill myself." She has one child, age 18.
Linda, age 29, is a competent professional. She was offered a promotion as a regional supervisor; a promotion involving frequent flying. Just the thought of flying  leaves her in a cold sweat, with her heart pounding and gasping for breath. She has had several panic attacks each week. But why, Linda asks? "I support myself, I've managed to buy a small condo, I have good friends and a supportive family, I don't drink or use drugs, I've always lived a good life-why is this happening to me?"
Vic is a 49 year old recovering alcoholic with anger management problems. He feels he has to be perfect. His anger, his perfectionism and his alcoholism are destroying his relationship with his wife, Judy.
These are the four individuals whom you will meet in this workbook. Ben and Marissa suffer from  depression, Linda is struggling with panic attacks, Vic is dealing with alcoholism, anger management problems and perfectionism. These individuals want to change, but they don't know how to break out of the thinking  patterns that are destroying their lives. The authors of this workbook give them the means to do just that, to learn and automatize new thinking methods. It is fascinating to watch Ben, Marissa, Linda and Vic learn to  challenge their old thinking patterns, learn healthy thinking methods and improve their lives.
What are you struggling with in your life? What patterns in thinking have held you trapped over the years? How can you develop and automatize a new way of seeing things that helps get you out of ruts you have maintained over the years? Drs. Padesky and Greenberger give you practice in learning how to make sense of your moods, to identify your own irrational thinking and to base your thinking fully on facts. They even give you a means to challenge old thinking patterns that you developed as a child. I saw Dr. Padesky demonstate these skills at a  cognitive therapy conference. I walked away very impressed with her warm, sincere, knowledgeable, creative and rational approach to helping people change. I am delighted to recommend this workbook.

Prisoners of Belief: Exposing & Changing Beliefs That Control Your Life / by Patrick Fanning

How do you deal with other people's anger? With their praise? With their criticism? How do you deal with mistakes? Do you cope well with stress? Are you comfortable trying new things? How do you express your feelings? Are you able to say "no"? How do you make friends? What are your beliefs around sex? We each have a unique way of managing our lives. But how many of us explicitly know the rules guiding our lives? Those rules were formed in childhood and may or may not serve as good guides as we mature. How do you expose them and check their objectivity - and revise them where warranted? When you've held wrong ideas for a lifetime, you experience them as factual, unchallengable and true. How do you then uproot them? This short self-help book offers ways to challenge wrong ideas.
McKay's and Fanning's book helps you get to the foundation of your own "self-portrait," i.e., how you see yourself. Do you see yourself as a loner, as shy, as an angry person, as a cynic, as a happy person, as an assertive person? The authors help you uncover the rules you live by (e.g., Never say anything that will hurt someone. Never let anyone really get to know you. If you do not do things perfectly, you will be rejected.) Some of these rules may be healthy (e.g., Be responsible. Speak your mind openly and tactfully.) Some of these rules may literally drive you crazy (e.g., Don't make decisions. Don't try anything new.)
The authors help you understand and uncover your own core beliefs. "Your most deeply held, core beliefs are the bedrock of your personality. They describe you as worthy or worthless, competent or incompetent, powerful or helpless, loved or scorned, self-reliant or dependent, belonging or outcast, trusting or suspicious, flexible or judgmental, secure or threatened, fairly treated or victimized," say McKay and Fanning. Core beliefs affect your choice of career, your relationship with your children, your relationship with your partner, your sex life, you pursuit of enjoyable hobbies, your health, your life. As best put by the authors themselves: "Restricting negative beliefs can imprison you behind bars of conviction. This book shows how to become a personal scientist, test your core beliefs objectively, subtly shift your more negative convictions, and escape from the prison of belief to a freer, more satisfying life." Although the book has some minor flaws, its benefits far outweigh them.

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I want to whet your appetite for this fabulous book. Would you like to lose weight? Absolutely! You’d love that slimmer physique you once had. You’d love to look at yourself naked in the mirror (or step on the scale) and be pleased. You’d love to buy smaller size clothes. Your back would feel less achy if you shed some pounds and firmed up some muscles. But you also love your pasta and your heapin’ helpins’ of meatloaf and mashed potatoes—and your “death-by-chocolate” cake. You love your comfort foods.

How do you even begin to shed some pounds? Dr. Judith Beck’s book may be the recipe you’re looking for. In it you will learn thinking skills that will help you maintain weight loss “for the rest of your life.” She gives you methods (in six-week plan) to identify and counter self-sabotaging thoughts (e.g., I’ll just have this one cookie.) She helps you identify all the personal benefits to you of losing weight—and gives you a method to keep these benefits, not at the edge of your mind, but center stage. These benefits are your mental fuel to stay on track. You will learn how to give yourself credit for every healthy choice you make, however small. You will also learn to tell difference between hunger, desire and cravings, to form a realistic plan (including exercise), to say “no” to food-pushers, to stay in charge when eating in restaurants, to eliminate emotional eating and to supportively get back on track if you slip up. Dr. Judith Beck helps you strengthen your desire to eat smaller portions, eat less fattening foods, find alternative ways to relax…and to feel the pride that comes from knowing you are making yourself look and feel better—and younger. I highly recommend her book and her workbook.

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For those who want "to live life to the fullest" and "achieve the greatest happiness possible," this book outlines "the essential means to that end: a proper code of values - a proper morality."

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Ranked 14th in a Library of Congress survey of books that made a difference in people's lives, this novel contains incredible psychological insights into the motivations and basic  premises that produce a variety of character traits.

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Ranked 2nd in a Library of Congress survey of books that made a difference in people's lives, this novel is a mystery story, not about the murder of a man's body, but about the murder of man's spirit.

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Full of tips you can start using immediately. What is the most efficient way to study? What specific techniques can you use to  program your memory? How can you effectively plan your time? How can you cope with ``failure"? or test anxiety? What are some motivational tips?

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What do you really want from life? How do you prioritize and mesh your goals? How do you schedule your time each day to reach your  long-range goals, to get the necessary routine tasks out of the way and to have some time for leisure activities? How do you say ``no" to demands on your time. How do you avoid procrastination? Want to  know?   This very short book covers the essentials of time management.

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A timeless gem that is well worth reading. He has an extrodinary understanding of how to communicate to get ideas across, how to listen with the purpose of understanding another person, how to deal with heated emotions in conversations, how to detect and deal with another person's irrationality, how to hear mixed contexts in conversation and much more.

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How do you make your romantic relationship thrive? You cannot rely on feelings alone but must actively think about how to enhance the relationship. Drs. Locke and Kenner cover: the visibility principle, understanding your partner, encouraging your partner to pursue values, making your partner feel loved, joint decision-making and more.
     Sexual intimacy presupposes emotional intimacy. They explore: creating the mood for sex, communication openly about what you want, prioritizing sex, avoiding subverters of sexual pleasure and much more.
[Audio; 8-CD set, 5 hours, 54 minutes, with Q&A]

Finding a romantic partner can be one of the most delightful activities in life. Why does it often end up being a drag or a dreadful disappointment? How can you, your children, or your friends act to help make dreams of an ideal romantic partner a reality? What knowledge will make dating an adventure? How do you ask the hard-hitting questions (e.g., "Do you have any social diseases? for instance, altruism")? How do you discover a potential partner's virtues?
[Audio; 5-tape or 5-CD set, 6 hrs.]

"Romantic," as defined by one dictionary, means marked by the imaginative or emotional appeal of the heroic, adventurous, remote mysterious or idealized. What makes a romantic relationship a success? What are surefire ways to undermine any success?
   This course explores principles to cultivate growing tenderness, mutual respect, understanding and some delightful playfulness in your romantic relationship. Learn how to avoid typical pitfalls of: the altruism trap; the mind-reading trap; the love-test trap; the mismatched-hierarchy trap.
   Learn some helpful skills and standing orders regarding romantic relationships.
[Audio; 6-tape or 6-CD set, 5 hrs., with Q&A]
[Also Internet Course; RealAudio]

In this course Dr. Kenner offers advice on how to prepare the groundwork for successful long-term relationships, rescue slightly damaged ones or strengthen good partnerships. Drawing upon her experience as a clinical psychologist, she explains and illustrates how to be a careful listener, how to prevent misunderstandings and deal effectively with negative emotions. The course also includes discussions on mutually growing-not stagnating-as individuals, enjoying shared interests, rationally compromising, and dealing with kids and in-laws. Using exercises, role-plays, cognitive therapy interventions and a foundation of Objectivism, Dr. Kenner explores principles and skills to help you keep the spark alive.
[Audio; 5-tape or 5-CD set, 5 hrs., with Q&A]

How do you treat someone you really love? What if your husband, the man who once adored you, increasingly belittles you, threatens you, and tries to control you? What happens when you have to hide your most joyous moments from your husband? What happens when you start to believe his attacks, blaming yourself unfairly, becoming more submissive and depriving yourself of the very goals that bring you pleasure? How do you break out of this vicious cycle?
     Dr. Forward's book is a welcome eye-opener for any  woman trapped in this situation. She shows how this destructive pattern in relationships develops, what its origins are from childhood experiences, and most importantly, how to regain your self-confidence and the courage to leave the relationship, physically and psychologically. She offers specific advice on how to deal with your own self-sabotage, how to set clear boundaries, how to get professional help and how to effectively end the relationship.

"If you're sticking around only out of guilt, fear or a sense of duty, you may want to rethink your decision, or prepare  yourself for a life of self-imposed incarceration: you are the prisoner, and you are the keeper of the keys." "Affairs are not so much  about sex, but about secrets and violation of trust" she says and she continues "trust is not a gift. It must be earned".

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This is a comprehensive book covering divorce to remarriage.

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He offers an easy-to-read question and answer format.

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It's not often that I read a book cover to cover and come away saying  that I can recommend this without commenting that  there are some parts I don't agree with. I really loved this book. She keeps the focus on your long range happiness.
"I hate life sometimes. I should have been able to see my sisters. I get real angry at my mom and dad. Sometimes I'm mad at the whole world." Divorce often leaves children in a path of devastation. Some children feel the chronic need, well into their adult lives, to try to please both parents, or to show pressured allegiance to one parent and shun the other. Some children have indelible memories of horrific fights and arguments prior to and after their parents divorce. Such children may promise themselves that they will never get married - it involves too much suffering. Some children are convinced that they are the hidden cause of their parent's divorce. Feelings of abandonment, fear, hurt and guilt become the norm. It's common for children to repeat the traumas of their childhood or to withdraw into a repressed silence, cutting themselves off from the pleasures of life. But much of this pain can be avoided, and everyone benefits. How? Dr. Bienenfeld lets you first hear from the children themselves. She then outlines a step-by-step method to help parents grasp the pain that their children are in and to help parents separate their own hostilities and financial battles from parenting issues. Although the parents are no longer marital partners, they will remain parent-partners for life. Given this, she outlines a method for helping them communicate clearly and fairly on all issues involving the children.

Divorce is messy enough. But there are things that make it mentally agonizing for children. One of them is guilt--more specifically unearned guilt. Kids are at risk of thinking that it’s their fault when their parents divorce: I didn’t clean my room and dad and mom would fight over that.” The first frame of this cartoon-like illustrated book has mom and dad sitting in overstuffed chairs, each with stern, furrowed brows and not engaged with each other. The little dinosaur girl, with wide eyes, has her hands up in the air in total confusion. The caption reads: “Divorce takes place between mothers and fathers. You are not to blame if your parents get divorced.” Many a child and I have sat in therapy talking just about this one frame-- and it has helped relieve them of some heavy unearned guilt. That’s damage control. This short illustrated book covers so much:
How parents fight differently: noisy battles, the silent treatment.
Natural feelings to have when your parents divorce: confusion, sadness, anger, fear, guilt, relief and worries about your future.
Unfulfilled longings that your parents will reconnect.
Telling friends that your parents are divorcing.
Ways to make living with one parent go smoother.
Living in two homes: Focusing on the positive and recognizing that mom and dad may have different rules.
Celebrating holidays and special occasions.
Eventually meeting your parents new “friends.”
Living with stepparents and possibly step-siblings.
The authors treat children with great empathy, as individuals capable of being responsible and making the major changes in their lives easier for themselves (and for their parents). They treat kids with respect. I highly recommend Dinosaurs Divorce for you and your children if you’re going through a divorce.

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A timeless gem that is well worth reading. He has an extrodinary understanding of how to communicate to get ideas across, how to listen with the purpose of understanding another person, how to deal with heated emotions in conversations, how to detect and deal with another person's irrationality, how to hear mixed contexts in conversation and much more.

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Couples Skills is an excellent source for learning essential communication skills. If you can sidestep some erroneous theoretical explanations (e.g., behaviorist or systems theory explanations and occasional moral relativism), you can gain lifetime skills from this book. It includes realistic examples and useful exercises in each of its four sections: basic communication skills, advanced skills, managing anger and conflict, and understanding and changing what goes wrong.

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"Show me a couple who has a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and I'll show you a couple I can pick out of a crowd. There's an almost visible bond between them—the gentle touches, knowing glances, laughter and warmth when their eyes meet.  You can feel the connection between them." (Davis, p. 32)
 How many couples miss this with their partner? Sex becomes a chronic source of tension  in too many relationships. One partner has a high drive; the other one has a "leave me alone" attitude. Michele Davis offers excellent advice for those wanting to rekindle their sexual relationship and strengthen their  marriage. She makes astute observations, such as noting the assumption many woman have that their husbands want sex because "having sex is like scratching an itch; it's a purely physical need."  She continues,"I am convinced that one of the grossest misunderstandings about sex is the belief many women have that men desire sex because they just want, or better yet, need a physical release. It's true that men (and some women) love an occasional quickie without much emotional hoopla. However I've been privileged to hear men describe the way they really feel when their wives aren't' interested. And if you've assumed that your husband wants sex  just to "get off," what I've heard will undoubtedly surprise you." (David, p. 56-7) 
 This book is an easy read, with plenty of relatable examples and excellent tips, i.e., sexy solutions. Davis has an excellent understanding of both partner's dilemmas and she bridges the understanding and communication gap that so often leads couples to divorce or to suffer unhappy marriages. She helps you recapture that mutually  satisfying sexual relationship, and more broadly, that soulmate relationship, you may have lost with your partner.

What is “The great sex secret”? The answer, says Kim Marshall, lies in a profound shift in thinking: “the idea that intercourse could and should give sexual satisfaction and emotional fulfillment to a woman.” Why focus on the woman?
First, even with all the explicit sexual knowledge at our fingertips, many women are still shy about exploring their own sexuality, finding joy in doing so, and communicating what feels best to their partner. Marshall notes that partners “have had very little practice at putting their sexual likes and dislikes into words.” One explanation: “ . . . the imprint of early life experiences plays a major role in shaping sexual attitudes and behaviors.” Unfortunately, many of those early life influences campaign against pleasurable sexual abandon with a partner. Can you change? Of course, Marshall notes, “mutually satisfying lovemaking is learned.”
Second, the problem is “geography”: the location of the clitoris. During intercourse, it doesn’t gets the direct stimulation the penis gets, often leaving many woman unaroused and engaging in “multi-tasking”--planning dinner while their husbands are nearing orgasm. Men are often clueless as to why, when they are at the height of ecstasy, their partner is bored and angry.
Marshall sums up the essence of the secret: “The key to long-term sexual happiness is having a strong love relationship and finding an effective, mutually satisfactory way to bring both the man and the woman to orgasm while they are together.” He identifies three approaches that work. This is a realistic, easy-to-read book that breaks the “conspiracy of silence” regarding female orgasms and thus helps guide lovers to true sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy.

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