Ten Secrets to Making Love Last

	How to Ask Dr. Kenner a Question (This has been a free public service since 1997) Ask by phone: The toll-free number is 1-877-Dr-Kenner (877-375-3663) Why free? See below. Ask by e-mail: Although you won't receive as thorough an answer as if you were to phone in live, you can still email Dr. Kenner a question When to call: Call any time before 10pm (Eastern Time). If she is not available, she will return your call as soon as she is free. Call or e-mail? You will receive the fastest, most accurate answer if you ask by phone. Most calls are answered. Not all emails are answered due to their large quantity. What you can not ask: Dr. Kenner does not take calls regarding suicide, medication, legal issues or any matter that threatens life or property and you must contact a local mental health professional, lawyer, doctor or the police if this is the case. Why for free? This has been a free public service since 1997. Why would a well known clinical psychologist answer your question for free and pay for the phone call too? Because Dr. Kenner makes her answer available on her podcast / talk show so others with the same issue can benefit. The show is a public service and is question-driven; your questions are the motor of the show. This is not therapy Although you will be receiving helpful advice from Dr. Kenner, remember that this is not therapy and cannot replace a fully contextual one-on-one relationship with a mental health professional. More



	Follow Dr. Kenner on and



		What's New


		Today's Podcast

		Enjoy Dr. Kenner's short podcasts on many topics. Today's Podcast Topic... What is an affair and why are they so tempting? - a short interview with Dr. Tiffany Kisler.



		Today's Romance Quote
		From Ellen's and Ed's new romance book: The Selfish Path to Romance - How to Love With Passion and Reason... This is quote 42, from Part 2 (Making Yourself Lovable) Chapter 6 (Develop Genuine Self-Esteem) "Selfless people cannot have self-esteem, because they have no self to esteem."



		This Week's Article
		The Meaning of Money "Let me give you a tip on a clue to men's characters: the man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it. "Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. . . ." (more)



		New Book

		The Selfish Path to Romance: How to Love With Passion and Reason / Dr. Edwin A. Locke and Dr. Ellen Kenner


		Buy now through Amazon
		Table of Contents

Ten Secrets to Making Love Last

Because love is an emotion, many of us think that love will just carry romance along through its own momentum. This is a tragic misconception.

Here’s why: love is an emotion, and emotions are the result of automatic, subconscious appraisals. We experience many emotions all day long and they come and go depending on our everyday experiences. We can be happy, sad, disappointed, resentful, grateful, satisfied, angry, passionate, proud, guilty, anxious, confident, jealous, admiring etc. all in the same day and even more than once in the same day.

Lovers have good times and bad times. But what carries the relationship through long term—not over just days or weeks but over many years?

The answer is: the hard work of thinking. In fact, we believe that making a relationship work long-range, that is, achieving enduring happiness, requires as much hard thinking as having a successful career.

Here are ten tips to make love last by showing that you truly value your partner

Work to thoroughly understand your partner (values, tastes, hobbies, sports. interests, food preferences, attitude towards career, personal psychology, tastes in art, including books, TV, movies, music, painting, etc.).
Be a good listener and use many forms of communication including touching and hugging.
Tell your partner you love them (very often) and why you love them.
Make your daily actions toward your partner be consistent with your words e.g., never forget their birthday or your anniversary).
Show concern for your partner’s welfare, such as their health.
Care about your appearance.
Treat one another as equals, make decisions together on most issues.
Create a positive emotional climate; never let anger fester.
Show playfulness and humor but never mock each other or each other’s important values or achievements.
Correct bad manners and annoying habits that you have.

Does this seem like a lot of work? Well, it is. And the work in never ending. You need to work at it every day. People grow and change and, if you do not grow and change together, you grow apart.

If your romantic relationship is important to you, you must work to preserve it. If you do the work, you will find that your closeness and intimacy will actually increase over time rather than fading away as it does if you reply solely on emotion.

top of page

Publications	Dr. Kenner has written many articles and presented many seminars and courses around the country. She is co-author of a serious guidebook on romance and has produced over 500 podcasts. See search bar above for topics.


	Articles Courses and Seminars Books What is Happiness Romance Parenting Career Relaxation Friendship	Humor How humor can help or hurt your chances for happiness Emotions Emotions and logic are allies in your search for happiness Morality Terrorism Sometimes the way we cope with terrorism in our own minds and the way we deal with it socially have the opposite effect we intend


Therapy Self-Help	Dr. Kenner is a licensed psychologist with an active private practice. Below you can find a therapist and good self-help books. Cognitive Therapy is the gold standard of psychology. Find a Cognitive Therapist anywhere in the country.


	Therapy In Rhode Island Therapy Outside Rhode Island How to Choose a Therapist About Dr. Kenner What is Happiness Ask Dr. Kenner a Question Definitions Explanations of various points discussed in this web site Self-Help Articles Obstacles to Happiness are not always obvious Understand Your Emotions Emotions and logic are allies in your search for happiness	Thinking Skills (Under Construction) Happiness requires that you are satisfied that your mind deals with people and events in a rational manner Valuing Skills (Under Construction) Happiness requires that you choose only rational values to seek out and work to obtain Self-Help Books Dr. Kenner reviews books and audio she recommends on parenting, therapy, self help, career, romance, happiness and other topics. Self-Help CDs


Radio Show	Hear Dr. Kenner's show The Rational Basis of Happiness® on many radio stations coast to coast and online. Times of day and days of week vary from station to station. In her 15th year on air, she has been a "top 250" talk show host for the past six years.


	About the Show Call in to the Radio Show Ask Dr. Kenner a Question See the Show	Radio Station List Recent Podcasts Search 500 Podcasts Subscribe to Podcast


The Rational Basis of Happiness® and The Rational Basis® are registered trademarks of Dr. Ellen Kenner. This web site and its contents are copyrighted and are proprietary products of Dr. Ellen Kenner. Any unauthorized use, reproduction, or transfer of this web site or its contents, in any medium, is strictly prohibited.


top of page